Sunday Secrets.

freak attack.

This whole denial/avoidance thing I'm doing with transitioning into a "real adult" is starting to become overwhelming. My friend sends me an email last night asking if I would like to go with her today to a non-profit career fair in Bryn Mawr. So, of course, this forces me to look at the fact that I have no complete, or in any way decent, resume, I feel like I don't know how to actually be a clinical social worker and that I actually do not have any piece of my shit that I call my life together enough to actually attend a career fair. I even called my cousin to verify that I can't actually go to a career fair without a resume and in a polite, but disparaging/guilt inducing/incompetence suggesting way, she did confirm that, indeed, I cannot actually go to an event where people are looking to recruit me. Although, at this point, I don't really see why anyone would try to recruit me....for anything. Why can't I get it together??????? Since when am I the one who is not Type A and not ahead of everyone else in the school/career/life trajectory? And I don't even feel guilty about that! I actually feel guilty about not feeling guilty about not caring! So I call my friend and basically convince her that she doesn't actually want to go to a career fair today because it's too far, too cold, too soon. Ugh, who am I? Shit, if I'm going down, I'm dragging someone with me. Typical. I can't just be singularly self-destructive. Do you ever wish you could flash forward through the next five years? It would be nice to just wake up and be 30 tomorrow. But then I would probably have a mid-life crisis anyway. Since I don't really think there's a point in living after 60 years old. That's another blog.

This is too much. Not to mention the fact that I will definitely find at today's weigh in for Marathon's Biggest Loser Challenge that I have indeed gained weight since last week. Fucking emotional eating.

I'm going shopping. For clothes that won't fit anyway.

and in closing...

an email i got from a friend this morning...

"Why do men think it's ok to horn in on what is obviously girl time? Molly and I were having a drink (at the Feminist Working Group happy hour, which was not attended by any of the feminists, who were clearly all at home with their men. Sellouts.) and this drunk jackass kept trying to talk to us. And it's semi-acceptable if there are two men, but with one it was just sad. He sat down with us and horned in on the last 45 minutes of our ladies night. Also it was very clear from the beginning that neither of us were going to get with him. The worst part is that all of his friends left, and he stayed behind and hung out with us. He literally asked me "what's the craziest thing you've ever done" because apparently I was on an episode of Blind Date tonight. Men are lame, being single is where it's at. Good night."



------> [My follow up thought....duh, you knew that was coming]
i have no idea why men think it's okay to hone in on girl time. probably because they think they're amazing and clearly the only reason women would be out together is to meet them. I mean obviously, all girls are dying for a boyfriend and any lame ass will do...didn't you get the memo? Maybe single boys need love on valentine's day too. although i'm pretty sure there is nothing worse than groveling on valentine's day of all days. i mean, "what's the craziest thing you've ever done?" ???? come on now, save that conversation kicker for saturday night!
There should seriously be roped off sections in straight bars where women can go when they're just trying to have fun with their girlfriends and don't want to be bothered by douchebags.
This is a prime example why I truly enjoy the gay boy scene.
Being single IS where it's at. Never doubt it.

happy vday to me.

blehhhhhh. the ice storm is really making it even better. speaking of which, i'm not really sure what to do about going into work because i don't think the buses are running. i love how the weather channel writes on its website that driving this morning would be extremely dangerous and you shouldn't be doing it, but yet no one calls to close the office. like i know it's the world of non-profit, but let's get a grip. i don't even have a client until 11, but wonder how much trouble i'll get in if i don't go in. i'm just not quite sure how i'm going to get there......because i'm sure as hell not walking. i'm putting my cold (because the wind is blowing through my closed window) foot down. and there is ice coating my windows. nice.

so, happy Vday to me. i kind of want to buy myself a cupcake today. love myself a little. of course, in the end, i would end up hating myself because i shouldn't be eating anything like a cupcake. it's a vicious cycle.
to all of the three people who read this blog, i hope your day is good and ends up being a little special. you should buy yourself a cupcake. you have skinny legs, so it doesn't really matter.

hallmark is picking up what i'm putting down.

i would like to say that i have been thoroughly impressed with this recent turnaround in valentine's day attitude.
so i'm in target picking up cards for my faraway friends - because that's clearly just the amazing person that i am - and i like had the barf bag all ready for the overwhelming suffocation that is valentine's day card shopping. so there i go...throwing elbows...and pushing my way through all the girls shopping for cards for their boyfriends. don't be fooled, it's a fucking show-down...this is no joke. every year. it never gets old. so i start looking through all the cards while all the girls around me are having like conniption attacks because they can't find the perfect card for their perfect boyfriend to depict their perfect relationship. like, oh my god, the PRESSURE!
anyhoo, as i'm picking through all the cards that have a serious novel written on them - who has time to read four pages on a card? honestly. - i find a whole section that is entitled "Anti-Valentine's Day"...i kid you not...and the cards fucking rock. i pretty much got one for every single one of my girlfriends...whether they're in a relationship or not. because i mean, even the coupled off ones need a little perspective. there's a whole market here -- and it's only taken Hallmark 25 years to catch on. i applaud them. someone has finally validated me.
All this day does is torture the couple-less and fattens the pockets of flower peddlers and greeting card companies. Everywhere you look, there's disgusting mixtures of red and pink. God, I hate pink.
It's a shame that people are made to feel bad because they don't have a love in their life, and all because of FAKE holiday. People feel so much pressure that they propose on Valentine's Day, get married on Valentine's Day, etc.
Even if you're in a relationship, V-Day stresses people out, especially women. Just because there's chocolate doesn't mean it still doesn't suck. Lots of us don't have dates and have to buy our own fucking chocolate anyhow. And then we just get fatter than we already are. So it just sucks. Why do that to yourself? Ignore this fictitious day altogether, whether you're in a relationship or not. What would I recommend for a good anti-Valentine's Day?

1. Avoid any place couples go. Do something for yourself, at home.

2. Rent a good "bad" movie. Pick up Heathers or Welcome to the Dollhouse, Reservoir Dogs or anything that's a little on the wicked/angsty side.

3. If you want a laugh, go to CVS sometime in the evening and watch freaked out men try to pick out "the" card. Or, visit the nearest grocery store and watch people fight over the shriveled remains of flowers in a last-ditch effort for sex. Too fun!

get over it cupid we hate you.