Leaving on a jet plane.....

...wish I'd never have to come back again.
After counseling too many rape survivors, doing nothing but emotional eating, getting, on average, 4 hours of sleep a night, serving jappy, condescending, ugly penn bitches fat-free fro yo and writing the worst 20 page research paper i've ever written on loss/grief theory and its clinical implications.......i'm off to Florida for "Spring Break", bitches. And I swear to God, if it's not violently UV sunny every single day for seven days, I'm taking someone out. Cross your fingers that the plane doesn't crash. Then again......at least I wouldn't have to worry about configuring an appropriate resume, finding an apartment in an area where i won't die, finding a job and coming to terms that I have to be an adult when I get back......so, on second thought, just cross the fingers on one hand.

my oscar judg - - opinions.

Beyonce is no longer black.
Gwyneth is totally preggers.
Cam didn't lose as much weight as one would expect after breaking up with JT.
Anne Hathaway's experience with wearing Prada has totally succumbed her to Hollywood anorexia.
I idolize Meryl Streep. But, I mean, who doesn't?
I cursed that 8 year old from "Little Miss Sunshine" for the entire 3 hours because she's 8 and at the Oscars and up for an Academy Award and my mom ruined my life by not letting me to go to NYC and audition for commercials. See if i thank her in my speech in five years.
Kirsten Dunst is indeed a troll and I was completely validated by Jay from ANTM who blatantly called her out on such.
Loving all the political soapbox addendums to all the thank you speeches.
The grandfather from Little Miss Sunshine had a really moving speech. I had goosembumps. Not gonna lie.
Where was Jakey?????????
Oh my god, "Jesus Camp" was up for an Oscar..SAY WHAT?????
God, I want Al Gore to run for president..."It's not a political issue, it is a moral issue."
Go Clint Eastwood - he translated like a five minute thank you speech by an Italian winner all on the spur of the moment. with big words. Really? Clint Eastwood? Who would've thunk it.
Michael Arndt -the writer for the "Little Miss Sunshine script" (who quit being Matthew Broderick's assistant to do so) - totally creepy, but definitely cute. Okay....maybe just creepy.
What is the huge deal about Martin Scorsese winning an Oscar? I don't get it but I also don't really care enough to Google it. Also..does it creep anyone else out that he has a 7 year old daughter? Right.
I don't know if you've seen "Pursuit of Happyness", but if you haven't, 1) you're missing out and 2) Will Smith totally deserved that Oscar. even though Forrest Whittaker was cute as a button giving his acceptance speech.
"To my wife Tatiana..." --cue the 'get the hell of the stage' music- "No! I have to say one more thing! Tatiana! Tatiana!! I love you! I love you Tatiana!" (ok inside joke).
and, Jennifer Hudson...three words..YOU GO GIRL.
I still want Beyonce's hair.

whoa.

Um, has anyone seen that new Rembrandt commercial playing "Waterfall" by Griffin House? It has that guy and girl making out for like a full 30 seconds? Here, let me post it for you. The commercial ends and you actually have no idea what it's advertising because you're too blown away that two people have been on your screen making out up close for 30 seconds. Go ahead, try. Tell me if you remember the word 'Rembrandt' in there at all. You have to watch it about two more times before you realize it's for toothpaste. Um, so yeah. The next time someone asks me what my 'type' is, I'm just going to refer them to that ad. The guy in that commercial is so hot. I would like him to be my boyfriend. That's really all I have to say.




I'm going to watch the Oscars now and make up my own acceptance speech. God knows I've only been revising it since I was 1o. One day. In the words of Tyler Webb..."Make it happen".

I heart Philadelphia....for a hot minute, anyway.

if i do say so myself, i have a hell of a job. i think i tend to see the worst of people at most times. waking up each day and forcing yourself to operate from the fundamental principle that there is good in everyone is also a hell of a job. i think i balance these two things pretty well. but, no doubt about it, i definitely lose my balance on that nauseating soapbox every once in a while. particularly living in phila where the racial tension is so thick, i'm tempted to stop every random black person on a street corner to apologize for being white. i'm not really kidding. you live here long enough and this hypersensitivity will begin to consume you. ok, so maybe it only consumes me. which is actually okay because i'm [creepily] in love with the concept of race relations and its various implications. Ask anyone who tried talking to me about last season's Survivor that divided its teams by race. Actually, let's not revisit that topic. Let's face it, I would inevitably feel claustrophobic in any place that I could only interact with rich white people. In any case, i'm waiting for the 21 today to take me to school/work and it's a windstorm. per usual. but as i'm standing there, willing my ponds cream to do its job, i see an elderly black woman wobbling and then dropping her bag and her folder that she was carrying as she's trying to get money out for the bus. and before i can even help her, this other elderly white woman, who is basically being blown over by the wind, moves quicker than my 24 year old body ever could, and in one impressive motion, balances the black woman and grabs her stuff. and then they are wobbling together and bonding in the way that only 80 year-old women can.
I love watching the social constructs I know applied everywhere -- and remain true in ways I'd never expect. I've stigmatized unfairly plenty of times, and lately I'm so wrong. It's unreal. If only everyone could be that impressive. So basically, to make a long rant longer, being pleasantly surprised is such a welcome change from being consistently disappointed. I'm afraid to say it out loud because I don't want to ruin the moment. It is moments like these that I love living in Philadelphia.

"sure, whatever you need"

the other day i got an email from a friend that said:

"you are really always there for everyone... it seems like you are constantly doing for others. i feel like i am always THINKING of others, or about how others feel, how i wish they could be happier or healthier, but i am not DOING as of late. i have really shut down alot of that. i think it's really respectable and wonderful that you are so giving but i hope that all those people are giving back to you. and you are getting what you need."

i have to say that that comment finally gave me a little bit of what i needed. and that's pretty fucking pathetic. so bear with me for the rant, but i need to get it out. feel free to skip over it.

i would classify myself as a pretty independent, self-sufficient, not needy person. and i think most people who know me can attest to that. i tend to be the person that doesn't really care if you're busy and can't get back to me. or if you break plans right before we're supposed to hang out. or if you choose your significant other over hanging out with me. it's just a lot easier not to care about those things. and if i'm friends with you, i don't really feel it's necessary to invite the type of drama that comes from getting angry about those type of things. it results in the silent treatment, then awkwardness, and then all that emotional messiness of having to make-up. ugh...my life is way too full for that. like, we're still friends. i'm not too worried about it.
i am also the type of person that would always rather talk about you than talk about me. which is wrapped up into a bunch of things. part of which includes being a nosy person who likes to fix people, but mostly because of low self-esteem, abandonment issues and etc. ok, so maybe i invite some of this on myself, but sometimes it's just really clear how self-centered most people are. and how they do whatever works best for them in the moment. and how it's really easy to take when someone is offering and not really worry too much about having to give anything back. after a while it just gets so annoying......ok fine, and hurtful. like would it kill you to pick up the fucking phone or go out of your way just a little to do something thoughtful? and not because you think you have to. because there's not really room in this blog to swing towards the 'condescending' end of the spectrum. i mean, christ, if you still want it to be all about you, it'll make you feel good too. wow. the reciprocity of giving. what a concept. and i don't really give a shit sometimes what you think or what you would do IF. it's getting to the point where i'm asking myself how i manage to pick the wrong people as friends. i'm tired of being wrong about people. shouldn't i have some more insight than that? i'm definitely better at it when it doesn't have to do with me. or hey, maybe it's my fault. maybe when you don't ask for anything and therefore don't expect anything, you just don't get anything. but here's a newsflash: What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do for the people you say you love that counts. unless of course, you just don't. and that's fine too. but it would be nice if you got off the selfish ride and stopped taking what you need. just a thought.

and, in keeping with the selfish theme here, if you think this blog is about you....
well, it probably is.