Sunday, June 24, 2007

#71 on the "To Do" list of an invalid.

1. Last beverage you consumed?
Orange Blossom beer from Ten Stone. My new fave. I'm such a girl.

3. What is in the backseat of your car?
What ISN'T in the backseat of my car is a better question as I am the token driver among all my friends. I like to look at it as my friends leaving little mementos of themselves [read: trash] upon leaving my car.

4. Three words to explain why you last threw up?
Joey's. Clam. Chowder.

5. What is the equation for the pythagorean theorem?
a squared + b squared = c squared. and i'm a fucking social worker.

6. Do you think Barbie is a negative role model for young girls?
Barbie is what every young girl should aspire to become. And if not Barbie, then god dammit, she better fucking take after Linz.

7. What kind of car does your father drive?
Well if I knew where the fuck my father was that would make that question a hell of a lot easier.

8. Do you like to play scrabble?
Drunk, sure. Otherwise, you better find a better way to entertain me. Chutes and Ladders, perhaps?

9. Where did you attend high school?
West Essex Regional. Fuck yeah for public school. JAPs, Mafia kids and Guidos. I came out well stereotyping and judging.

10. Favorite scent?
Christmas, vanilla, Hanae Mori, clean laundry boy smell, Starbucks grande nonfat Caramel Macchiato with light foam, my Prada clutch.

12. Last television program you watched?
I can't even talk about all the mindless TV I have been watching since becoming a cripple.

13. Spell your name with without vowels:

14. Does your family own any boats?
Used to. Then we crashed and sank it in the middle of a pond. At least that's what I remember.

15. Something you can't live without?
La Columbe coffee.

16. Do you wear flip flops constantly?
Constantly. And maybe if I didn't, I wouldn't be on crutches and hating my life.

17. What do you think of Adam Brody?
I don't.

18. Do you have air conditioning in your room?
A necessity. Although some of the styrofoam popped off and was hitting the fan part and scared the fucking bajeezus out of me the other night that I lept out of bed convinced there was going to be a fire and I wouldn't be able to get down the stairs on crutches.

20. Have you ever kissed your dog?
Sure, as long as her tongue/saliva/mouth is nowhere near mine. I'm not into people who make out with their dogs.

21. Where were you and what were you doing when 9/11 happened?
Heading to breakfast at college in Bethlehem, PA. At the time, I didn't know what was more depressing. The fact that everybody outside of the US hates us and attempts to mass kill us or the fact that I was at Moravian College heading to breakfast.

22. How often do you read books?
Grad school makes you stupider. I highly doubt I will ever be able to force myself to pick up a book again. Reading these questions is exhausting enough.

23. Do you like James Blunt?
Only when dressed in a fushia pink prom dress with a boxcutter crouched in a corner.

24. Describe the computer you are currently using?
IBM Thinkpad. If only those Mac commercials came out earlier so that I could feel really urban and artsy. Although I would fucking kill for that stickypad option on a Mac.

25. How long does it take you to get ready to go out?
Anywhere between ten minutes and 2 hours. Sometimes the shower becomes extended.

26. Will you donate your organs after you pass?
Of course. And I think people who don't are really fucked up. What do you need them for???

27. Have you been outside of the USA?
Many times. Traveling on your parents' dime is the shit. Traveling with them is sometimes not. But I'll take it.

28. Would you ever get your nipples pierced?
They are....

29. What are you looking forward to?
Walking. Driving. Working. You know...all the usual human stuff.

32. What song are you listening to?
VH1 - Best Songs of the '80s.

33. Last movie you watched?
Apocolypto. CRAZY!! And for the record, what would have been so bad about watching Garden State? A little Mean Girls?

34. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
The new place really amped up the neighbor count, which is totes exciting.

35. What cd is in your stereo?
What's a CD? For that matter, what's a stereo?

36. Do you have a job?
'Job' is such a funny word. I had three. One of which I'm pretty sure can't be considered a job because I'm not getting paid. The other two are dependent on me being able to walk. Which I can't right now, so it'll be interesting to see if I still have them. One of them offered a huge promotion that involves some blatant selling out, but the way i see it, I can't really go further.
"Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train." [Two points for naming that show].

37. What did you do last night?
Gimped into TCBY and ordered the most ridiculous concotion I could come up with. Then I threw some negative emotion in there and ate it all up.

38. Do you wish at 11:11? you?

39. Do you wear contacts or glasses?
Yes. What I wouldn't give for a little slicey-slicey action so that one day when I wake up I can actually see the time on my clock across from my bed. But scalpels on my eyes while being held down doesn't really sound like a party.

40. Last person you ditched class with?
Ohhh, the days when I had class.

41. Do you find yourself attractive?
What an obnoxious question.
"Yes" -- [unjustly pretentious] Douchebag!
"No" -- [annoyingly modest] Douchebag!

42. Who was the last person to call you?
Probably my mom.

43. What annoys you?
Bad drivers, foot sprains, torn ligaments, fro yo fro ho's, republicans, small girls, townies, in-between weather, life planners (of other people's lives), i could keep going.....

44. Are you forgetful?

45. Next vacation you're going on?
Vacation is a funny word too. Want to know what else is funny? When people tell you to look at your inability to work, drive, walk as vacation time. Hilarious!

46. Do you play any instruments?
Now that would be giving you too much ammunition for blackmail.

47. Last thing that made you really laugh?

48. Do you have any piercings?
Well, we already talked about my nipples. And then, just the know...ears, bellybutton, tongue, an eyebrow.

49. Can you roll your r's?
If I was trying to impress a Mexican.

50. Look out the window. What's the most interesting thing you see?
The lush landscaping of the suburbs.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Father's Day.

The war's only tangible result.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

"Eric, I have a douchebag on line 3 for you"

Bud Light: Swear Jar

Posted Jun 04, 2007

The swear jar is the best f@#*ing idea I've ever seen!

Friday, June 1, 2007

bitch session.

and it's my blog. so i can if i wanna.

and so we've begun summer in philadelphia. filthadelphia. whathaveyou. I HATE THIS CITY IN THE SUMMER! like, i'm so fucking hot and cranky all the time. i don't understand those people that bask in heat. you know, being all glowy and breezy and shit. i'm just hot and fat and sweaty. it reminds me of an animal. or what an animal must feel like. there's nothing attractive about it. this is why i don't understand how people live in areas that are warm all the time. i need cold weather, sweatshirts, north face fleeces and jeans that i can fit into b/c i haven't expanded from the heat enough to not be able to zip them up. what i wouldn't give for a god damn boat. or a roofdeck pool. hell, i'll even take a ceiling fan. last summer i snuck into that Sheraton roofdeck pool on average twice a week. often with beer. they kicked us out. i'm banking on the fact that they won't remember us this year. otherwise i'm going big and hitting up a hilton in center city.

also, i went to look at my new apartment today and i decided i need to paint. but i have like 16 foot ceilings. (that's a lie. that's a completely arbitrary number b/c i'm not good with estimating things like height. in any case, they're high ceilings.) the brownstone itself is haunted too i think. it's straight out of the Adams Family. Or an abandoned church. and it tilts. heavily. and i have no furniture. and i have to pack up my entire apartment and move it.

also, some fucking talentless, self-promoting thug once again put a flyer on my car window. which was soaked by last night's thunderstorm and is now stuck to my car. thanks. i really appreciate that. i also appreciate the $100 car inspection that i had to pass today to make sure my car is environmentally sound. soooooo, south philly can have trash everywhere on the street, we can be at 98 degrees on June 1st, but let's all take really special energy to charge me $100 so that my SUV is meeting its standards in emissions. Go U.S. of A. I'm fucking moving to Canada.

and i have to work tonight. and it's hot. and i have to put on jeans and t-shirt. can someone please tell me WHY it's necessary to so heavily enforce a dress code that is so confining. it's summer. i want to wear a shirt with no sleeves. and preferably something that will not cover my legs. i'm profusely sweating as i write this. i'm the jew-iest non-jew i've ever known. i refuse to turn on the air. and i'm aware that i could stop my own bitching. it's not the point. and there's also no point to this blog. except that i'm bitching.
now i'm going to stand in the sun and wait for the bus and I swear to fucking god and every other fucking douchebag that has contributed to insane global warming, if someone rubs up against me, brushes by me or so much as looks like they're going to touch me, i'm going to vom. preferably on them.

have a good one!