Monday, February 26, 2007

my oscar judg - - opinions.

Beyonce is no longer black.
Gwyneth is totally preggers.
Cam didn't lose as much weight as one would expect after breaking up with JT.
Anne Hathaway's experience with wearing Prada has totally succumbed her to Hollywood anorexia.
I idolize Meryl Streep. But, I mean, who doesn't?
I cursed that 8 year old from "Little Miss Sunshine" for the entire 3 hours because she's 8 and at the Oscars and up for an Academy Award and my mom ruined my life by not letting me to go to NYC and audition for commercials. See if i thank her in my speech in five years.
Kirsten Dunst is indeed a troll and I was completely validated by Jay from ANTM who blatantly called her out on such.
Loving all the political soapbox addendums to all the thank you speeches.
The grandfather from Little Miss Sunshine had a really moving speech. I had goosembumps. Not gonna lie.
Where was Jakey?????????
Oh my god, "Jesus Camp" was up for an Oscar..SAY WHAT?????
God, I want Al Gore to run for president..."It's not a political issue, it is a moral issue."
Go Clint Eastwood - he translated like a five minute thank you speech by an Italian winner all on the spur of the moment. with big words. Really? Clint Eastwood? Who would've thunk it.
Michael Arndt -the writer for the "Little Miss Sunshine script" (who quit being Matthew Broderick's assistant to do so) - totally creepy, but definitely cute. Okay....maybe just creepy.
What is the huge deal about Martin Scorsese winning an Oscar? I don't get it but I also don't really care enough to Google it. Also..does it creep anyone else out that he has a 7 year old daughter? Right.
I don't know if you've seen "Pursuit of Happyness", but if you haven't, 1) you're missing out and 2) Will Smith totally deserved that Oscar. even though Forrest Whittaker was cute as a button giving his acceptance speech.
"To my wife Tatiana..." --cue the 'get the hell of the stage' music- "No! I have to say one more thing! Tatiana! Tatiana!! I love you! I love you Tatiana!" (ok inside joke).
and, Jennifer Hudson...three words..YOU GO GIRL.
I still want Beyonce's hair.

Sunday, February 25, 2007


Um, has anyone seen that new Rembrandt commercial playing "Waterfall" by Griffin House? It has that guy and girl making out for like a full 30 seconds? Here, let me post it for you. The commercial ends and you actually have no idea what it's advertising because you're too blown away that two people have been on your screen making out up close for 30 seconds. Go ahead, try. Tell me if you remember the word 'Rembrandt' in there at all. You have to watch it about two more times before you realize it's for toothpaste. Um, so yeah. The next time someone asks me what my 'type' is, I'm just going to refer them to that ad. The guy in that commercial is so hot. I would like him to be my boyfriend. That's really all I have to say.

I'm going to watch the Oscars now and make up my own acceptance speech. God knows I've only been revising it since I was 1o. One day. In the words of Tyler Webb..."Make it happen".

Friday, February 23, 2007

I heart Philadelphia....for a hot minute, anyway.

if i do say so myself, i have a hell of a job. i think i tend to see the worst of people at most times. waking up each day and forcing yourself to operate from the fundamental principle that there is good in everyone is also a hell of a job. i think i balance these two things pretty well. but, no doubt about it, i definitely lose my balance on that nauseating soapbox every once in a while. particularly living in phila where the racial tension is so thick, i'm tempted to stop every random black person on a street corner to apologize for being white. i'm not really kidding. you live here long enough and this hypersensitivity will begin to consume you. ok, so maybe it only consumes me. which is actually okay because i'm [creepily] in love with the concept of race relations and its various implications. Ask anyone who tried talking to me about last season's Survivor that divided its teams by race. Actually, let's not revisit that topic. Let's face it, I would inevitably feel claustrophobic in any place that I could only interact with rich white people. In any case, i'm waiting for the 21 today to take me to school/work and it's a windstorm. per usual. but as i'm standing there, willing my ponds cream to do its job, i see an elderly black woman wobbling and then dropping her bag and her folder that she was carrying as she's trying to get money out for the bus. and before i can even help her, this other elderly white woman, who is basically being blown over by the wind, moves quicker than my 24 year old body ever could, and in one impressive motion, balances the black woman and grabs her stuff. and then they are wobbling together and bonding in the way that only 80 year-old women can.
I love watching the social constructs I know applied everywhere -- and remain true in ways I'd never expect. I've stigmatized unfairly plenty of times, and lately I'm so wrong. It's unreal. If only everyone could be that impressive. So basically, to make a long rant longer, being pleasantly surprised is such a welcome change from being consistently disappointed. I'm afraid to say it out loud because I don't want to ruin the moment. It is moments like these that I love living in Philadelphia.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

"sure, whatever you need"

the other day i got an email from a friend that said:

"you are really always there for everyone... it seems like you are constantly doing for others. i feel like i am always THINKING of others, or about how others feel, how i wish they could be happier or healthier, but i am not DOING as of late. i have really shut down alot of that. i think it's really respectable and wonderful that you are so giving but i hope that all those people are giving back to you. and you are getting what you need."

i have to say that that comment finally gave me a little bit of what i needed. and that's pretty fucking pathetic. so bear with me for the rant, but i need to get it out. feel free to skip over it.

i would classify myself as a pretty independent, self-sufficient, not needy person. and i think most people who know me can attest to that. i tend to be the person that doesn't really care if you're busy and can't get back to me. or if you break plans right before we're supposed to hang out. or if you choose your significant other over hanging out with me. it's just a lot easier not to care about those things. and if i'm friends with you, i don't really feel it's necessary to invite the type of drama that comes from getting angry about those type of things. it results in the silent treatment, then awkwardness, and then all that emotional messiness of having to make-up. life is way too full for that. like, we're still friends. i'm not too worried about it.
i am also the type of person that would always rather talk about you than talk about me. which is wrapped up into a bunch of things. part of which includes being a nosy person who likes to fix people, but mostly because of low self-esteem, abandonment issues and etc. ok, so maybe i invite some of this on myself, but sometimes it's just really clear how self-centered most people are. and how they do whatever works best for them in the moment. and how it's really easy to take when someone is offering and not really worry too much about having to give anything back. after a while it just gets so annoying......ok fine, and hurtful. like would it kill you to pick up the fucking phone or go out of your way just a little to do something thoughtful? and not because you think you have to. because there's not really room in this blog to swing towards the 'condescending' end of the spectrum. i mean, christ, if you still want it to be all about you, it'll make you feel good too. wow. the reciprocity of giving. what a concept. and i don't really give a shit sometimes what you think or what you would do IF. it's getting to the point where i'm asking myself how i manage to pick the wrong people as friends. i'm tired of being wrong about people. shouldn't i have some more insight than that? i'm definitely better at it when it doesn't have to do with me. or hey, maybe it's my fault. maybe when you don't ask for anything and therefore don't expect anything, you just don't get anything. but here's a newsflash: What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do for the people you say you love that counts. unless of course, you just don't. and that's fine too. but it would be nice if you got off the selfish ride and stopped taking what you need. just a thought.

and, in keeping with the selfish theme here, if you think this blog is about you....
well, it probably is.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Friday, February 16, 2007

freak attack.

This whole denial/avoidance thing I'm doing with transitioning into a "real adult" is starting to become overwhelming. My friend sends me an email last night asking if I would like to go with her today to a non-profit career fair in Bryn Mawr. So, of course, this forces me to look at the fact that I have no complete, or in any way decent, resume, I feel like I don't know how to actually be a clinical social worker and that I actually do not have any piece of my shit that I call my life together enough to actually attend a career fair. I even called my cousin to verify that I can't actually go to a career fair without a resume and in a polite, but disparaging/guilt inducing/incompetence suggesting way, she did confirm that, indeed, I cannot actually go to an event where people are looking to recruit me. Although, at this point, I don't really see why anyone would try to recruit me....for anything. Why can't I get it together??????? Since when am I the one who is not Type A and not ahead of everyone else in the school/career/life trajectory? And I don't even feel guilty about that! I actually feel guilty about not feeling guilty about not caring! So I call my friend and basically convince her that she doesn't actually want to go to a career fair today because it's too far, too cold, too soon. Ugh, who am I? Shit, if I'm going down, I'm dragging someone with me. Typical. I can't just be singularly self-destructive. Do you ever wish you could flash forward through the next five years? It would be nice to just wake up and be 30 tomorrow. But then I would probably have a mid-life crisis anyway. Since I don't really think there's a point in living after 60 years old. That's another blog.

This is too much. Not to mention the fact that I will definitely find at today's weigh in for Marathon's Biggest Loser Challenge that I have indeed gained weight since last week. Fucking emotional eating.

I'm going shopping. For clothes that won't fit anyway.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

and in closing...

an email i got from a friend this morning...

"Why do men think it's ok to horn in on what is obviously girl time? Molly and I were having a drink (at the Feminist Working Group happy hour, which was not attended by any of the feminists, who were clearly all at home with their men. Sellouts.) and this drunk jackass kept trying to talk to us. And it's semi-acceptable if there are two men, but with one it was just sad. He sat down with us and horned in on the last 45 minutes of our ladies night. Also it was very clear from the beginning that neither of us were going to get with him. The worst part is that all of his friends left, and he stayed behind and hung out with us. He literally asked me "what's the craziest thing you've ever done" because apparently I was on an episode of Blind Date tonight. Men are lame, being single is where it's at. Good night."

------> [My follow up thought....duh, you knew that was coming]
i have no idea why men think it's okay to hone in on girl time. probably because they think they're amazing and clearly the only reason women would be out together is to meet them. I mean obviously, all girls are dying for a boyfriend and any lame ass will do...didn't you get the memo? Maybe single boys need love on valentine's day too. although i'm pretty sure there is nothing worse than groveling on valentine's day of all days. i mean, "what's the craziest thing you've ever done?" ???? come on now, save that conversation kicker for saturday night!
There should seriously be roped off sections in straight bars where women can go when they're just trying to have fun with their girlfriends and don't want to be bothered by douchebags.
This is a prime example why I truly enjoy the gay boy scene.
Being single IS where it's at. Never doubt it.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

happy vday to me.

blehhhhhh. the ice storm is really making it even better. speaking of which, i'm not really sure what to do about going into work because i don't think the buses are running. i love how the weather channel writes on its website that driving this morning would be extremely dangerous and you shouldn't be doing it, but yet no one calls to close the office. like i know it's the world of non-profit, but let's get a grip. i don't even have a client until 11, but wonder how much trouble i'll get in if i don't go in. i'm just not quite sure how i'm going to get there......because i'm sure as hell not walking. i'm putting my cold (because the wind is blowing through my closed window) foot down. and there is ice coating my windows. nice.

so, happy Vday to me. i kind of want to buy myself a cupcake today. love myself a little. of course, in the end, i would end up hating myself because i shouldn't be eating anything like a cupcake. it's a vicious cycle.
to all of the three people who read this blog, i hope your day is good and ends up being a little special. you should buy yourself a cupcake. you have skinny legs, so it doesn't really matter.

Monday, February 12, 2007

hallmark is picking up what i'm putting down.

i would like to say that i have been thoroughly impressed with this recent turnaround in valentine's day attitude.
so i'm in target picking up cards for my faraway friends - because that's clearly just the amazing person that i am - and i like had the barf bag all ready for the overwhelming suffocation that is valentine's day card shopping. so there i go...throwing elbows...and pushing my way through all the girls shopping for cards for their boyfriends. don't be fooled, it's a fucking show-down...this is no joke. every year. it never gets old. so i start looking through all the cards while all the girls around me are having like conniption attacks because they can't find the perfect card for their perfect boyfriend to depict their perfect relationship. like, oh my god, the PRESSURE!
anyhoo, as i'm picking through all the cards that have a serious novel written on them - who has time to read four pages on a card? honestly. - i find a whole section that is entitled "Anti-Valentine's Day"...i kid you not...and the cards fucking rock. i pretty much got one for every single one of my girlfriends...whether they're in a relationship or not. because i mean, even the coupled off ones need a little perspective.
there's a whole market here -- and it's only taken Hallmark 25 years to catch on. i applaud them. someone has finally validated me.
All this day does is torture the couple-less and fattens the pockets of flower peddlers and greeting card companies. Everywhere you look, there's disgusting mixtures of red and pink. God, I hate pink.
It's a shame that people are made to feel bad because they don't have a love in their life, and all because of FAKE holiday. People feel so much pressure that they propose on Valentine's Day, get married on Valentine's Day, etc.
Even if you're in a relationship, V-Day stresses people out, especially women. Just because there's chocolate doesn't mean it still doesn't suck. Lots of us don't have dates and have to buy our own fucking chocolate anyhow. And then we just get fatter than we already are. So it just sucks. Why do that to yourself? Ignore this fictitious day altogether, whether you're in a relationship or not. What would I recommend for a good anti-Valentine's Day?

1. Avoid any place couples go. Do something for yourself, at home.

2. Rent a good "bad" movie. Pick up Heathers or Welcome to the Dollhouse, Reservoir Dogs or anything that's a little on the wicked/angsty side.

3. If you want a laugh, go to CVS sometime in the evening and watch freaked out men try to pick out "the" card. Or, visit the nearest grocery store and watch people fight over the shriveled remains of flowers in a last-ditch effort for sex. Too fun!

get over it cupid we hate you.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

JT still hot. Scarlett still [totally] not.

Here's the bootleg director's cut of JT's new song, "What Goes Around Comes Around" with that tranny whore Scarlett Johanssen. Listen, I'm not saying that Cameron Diaz is all that great -- I mean, between the joker mouth and the overplayed ADHD, she's quite possibly the most annoying human being over the age of 30-- but christ, anyone's better than Scarlett. She's so unattractive and just totally obnoxiously pretentious. That girl carries herself as if she's all that and then some. Can you actually picture her being anything other than a fat seductress? I kind of feel that she may just wake up in the morning and talk to everyone that way. Breathing heavily, speaking in some kind of faux accent which can't even be relegated to a specific region, slinking around L.A. And when you think about it that way, it's not really that hard to figure out how she's landed herself in so many movies. I guess some people can really make a living from selling themselves....literally. She's got her homewrecker routine down's quite impressive, really. There is seriously an unnecessary amount of groping/nakedness/touching in this video. She's stuck to him in ways that make me truly believe that the director is really more in the soft core porn industry. Yeah, Scarlett completely fits the, "Just don't get it" category of girls. As in, the girls who guys found attractive when every other girl finds her incredibly annoying and not at all attractive. Mind boggling...gets me everytime.

Note: JT just gets sexier and sexier. And the boy can somewhat act. Remember the sleezy, bleached, 'down-the-shore', wigger ways of justin back in the day? Now he's ultra-sex. Who doesn't love the 180 degree celebrity change?

Thursday, February 8, 2007


i would just like to send out a personal thank you to doug and joey for allowing me into a contaminated apartment and for making superbowl food from scratch, respectively, so as to directly contribute to this lovely little stomach bug that has left me puking for over 24 hours. i now know what the "maryland twist" was in joey's homemade clam chowder.
i would also just like to mention that i have thrown up about 4 times in my entire life, so all of THIS, was just wonderful. i literally could not move...which is really a ton of fun when you continue to throw up but don't have the energy to sit up. i had my mom on speed dial to have her come down and take care of me, but had to refrain myself from doing so given that i'm 24 years old and need to start acting liking it. today was the first day i have actually made it out of my bed onto my living room floor where i have been sitting with a can of lysol and just spraying it around me. i also had "the laundry lady" (yes i realize this is disturbing on many levels) pick up every last item of clothing, including my down comforter, and wash it all. trust me, it'll be the best 50 dollars i've ever spent.
and might i add, that all of this had better lead to significant weight loss for marathon's biggest loser.

incidentally, i'm watching Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee on the Food Network...which is make me feel even more nauseous...and I just don't understand how she's so thin. It's like Padma Lakshmi on Top Chef saying that she "lives for food". And now I have effectively made myself nauseous again.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Marathon's Biggest Loser

well, it's official. Marathon's Biggest Loser challenge has officially begun. (began? whatever.)
Yesterday, the scale was bought and we all weighed in. Some people wanted to join, but sorry, small and skinny bitches need not apply.

  1. It's five dollars a pop (somewhere in that I'm sure you can find a fat joke) every time you weigh in.
  2. Weigh-ins will occur every Friday and weights will be recorded. (Which they already were for the first time yesterday and that was a horrifying experience to say the least.)
  3. Certain people (and I won't mention names because I'm feeling nice today) were not allowed into the game because I don't need to be shown up by some skinny whiners who think they qualify at 131 pounds, and will look better at 115. Bitch, please. Spare me.
  4. This game will last until May 5th, which gives us all approximately three months to get it together.
  5. There will be monthly winners, who will be given 10% of the total money, so as to keep this so called "morale" of the team going. (Note: And may I just add, I have never been so harshly judged for eating a spoonful of fat free fro-yo in my life. Nor have I been so cruelly harassed and/or taunted with plates of cookies in front of my face. And yes. I totally ate one. What about it?
  6. I instated a rule that no OTC drugs such as Hydroxycut, Stacker (I, II, or III) may be used in this game. Extracurricular activities, however, can be engaged in at your own discretion and are not off limits. This includes both cocaine addictions and eating disorders.

I encourage all suggestions, support and berating to make me Marathon's Biggest Loser. I've already recruited Joey to act as my bitchy, deprecating, insulting running coach. And if you know Joey, you know that says enough.
On that note, I'm off to brunch with the girls. And then off to throw it all up.

Molly Ivins (1945-2007)

In memory of Molly Ivins (sharp-witted liberal, columnist and best-selling author who skewered the political establishment and referred to President Bush as “Shrub,”):

"The thing about democracy, beloveds, is that it is not neat, orderly, or quiet. It requires a certain relish for confusion."

"I am not anti-gun. I’m pro-knife. Consider the merits of the knife. In the first place, you have to catch up with someone in order to stab him. A general substitution of knives for guns would promote physical fitness. We’d turn into a whole nation of great runners. Plus, knives don’t ricochet. And people are seldom killed while cleaning their knives."

"It’s like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn’t a dime’s worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you’re wrong."

"I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil. And that no one knows the truth."

Thursday, February 1, 2007

my new favorite pictures.

my friend Anastasia went to D.C. last weekend for the anti-war rally and totally represented...
i expect nothing less from her than to make this sign.

and this picture that she took there warms my heart a little...
it's nice to see children like this as opposed to children like this: