Wednesday, January 31, 2007

and this is why she's my best friend.

melishka82 (7:48:32 PM): i'm so fucking sick laur and i have a paper due tomorrow
LAM14 (7:48:36 PM): really?
melishka82 (7:48:38 PM): and i'm so behind
melishka82 (7:48:43 PM): yeah really. i want to kill myself
melishka82 (7:49:07 PM): probably b/c i'm like packed in like a sardine on the bus every morning
LAM14 (7:49:15 PM): oh my god i know
melishka82 (7:49:16 PM): i like constantly have a vitamin C drop in my mouth and am like, DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!!
LAM14 (7:49:22 PM): you need to take airborne
LAM14 (7:49:25 PM): i know. i felt so dirty tonight on the way home
melishka82 (7:49:37 PM): i know seriously, i want to take like five showers
melishka82 (7:49:44 PM): people are disgusting
LAM14 (7:49:48 PM): they so are
melishka82 (7:49:53 PM): i have to put my ipod on full blast b/c otherwise i will end up freaking out
LAM14 (7:50:09 PM): when i hold on to the bar i put my glove on
melishka82 (7:50:10 PM): i have like fantasies of the germs all over me, eating me alive...ok so that's kind of intense
melishka82 (7:50:46 PM): i haven't slept in like three days
LAM14 (7:50:47 PM): you should take a tylenol pm
melishka82 (7:51:50 PM): the only good news is that i am winning those marc jacobs glasses on ebay so's the only thing keeping me going..and i swear to god, if some fuck outbids me, i'm ending my life.
LAM14 (7:51:59 PM): that is good news. i want a bottle of chanel perfume but it's like 95 bucks for one ounce
LAM14 (7:52:24 PM): i know, that would push me over the edge too
melishka82 (7:52:55 PM): i know but sometiems lauren it's worth it
LAM14 (7:52:57 PM): it's the material things in the world..that push me through
melishka82 (7:53:00 PM): isnt it though. i can admit that...i'm not scuuured
LAM14 (7:53:10 PM): good. me either. i'm proud.
melishka82 (7:53:17 PM): haha i love you
LAM14 (7:53:38 PM): i think i have a big nose
melishka82 (7:53:43 PM): lauren.
melishka82 (7:53:47 PM): you have lost your mind. SERIOUSLY LOST YOUR MIND.
LAM14 (7:54:08 PM): fine
LAM14 (7:54:19 PM): i have adult acne
melishka82 (7:54:24 PM): hahahah WHO ARE YOU?????
LAM14 (7:54:30 PM): i do. i've never had this, even when i was 17, okay
melishka82 (7:54:45 PM): oh my god, i've known your face for like 12 years.
LAM14 (7:54:50 PM): i know
melishka82 (7:54:52 PM): get over it. yo'u'e wrong
LAM14 (7:54:54 PM): you never have one pimple. not one
melishka82 (7:55:07 PM): OHMYGOD. ARE YOU KIDDING ME
LAM14 (7:55:10 PM): hahahahah.. i knew the would fire you up
LAM14 (7:55:18 PM): but seriously. you don't
melishka82 (7:55:31 PM): take a look at my face. i have to walk through wind tunnels everyday of my life to get to work. it's like the skin is gone. i go through like a tub of ponds creme a week
LAM14 (7:55:54 PM): gross
melishka82 (7:55:56 PM): hahahha
LAM14 (7:57:20 PM): remember the vanilla cupcake convo we had
LAM14 (7:57:23 PM): in college
melishka82 (7:57:24 PM):
melishka82 (7:57:26 PM): what are you talking about?
LAM14 (7:57:37 PM): that i said there was vanilla cupcakes in my kitchen
melishka82 (7:57:44 PM): we WOULD have a vanilla cupcake talk
LAM14 (7:57:45 PM): they are my favorite
LAM14 (7:57:55 PM): so it was there and i went down at ate one
LAM14 (7:58:02 PM): and for some reason you thought it was so great
melishka82 (7:58:18 PM): b/c you fill your sorrow with food? of course i'm into that.
melishka82 (7:58:29 PM): but i dont really remember this convo
LAM14 (7:58:33 PM): it was our senior year i think
melishka82 (7:58:54 PM): god laur. that's so three years ago. is this an old joke?
LAM14 (7:59:00 PM): haha. WAIT. what's this San Fran thing?
melishka82 (7:59:28 PM): i'm starting my life over on the west coast
LAM14 (7:59:33 PM): jesus. the east coast needs you
melishka82 (7:59:46 PM): yeah right, i'm over it
melishka82 (7:59:57 PM): i mean whatev, you know i'll always be an east coast gangsta
melishka82 (8:00:05 PM): but there's something about the west coast that is calling my name
melishka82 (8:00:21 PM): not in the L.A., "i'm totally vapid" way, but just in the 'maybe i can find my soft spot again way'
LAM14 (8:00:25 PM): will never judge you for your life choices, but you best believe i'll shit talk your jeans.
LAM14 (8:02:12 PM): yea i'm gonna go eat. i love you.
melishka82 (8:02:43 PM): byeee
LAM14 (8:02:51 PM): byeee

and by the fucking by......i didn't win those fucking Marc Jacobs sunglasses.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Brian Andreas.

sad day...

welp, it's been confirmed. blake, from dancelife, is gay. no doubt about it. i was totally holding out that his sexy self was just really stylish and spoke kinda cute. i mean, he's from toronto....they do things different up there. and that accent will get you everytime. i texted alex and let her know that, in fact, blake is gay. she told me not to underestimate her gaydar. i told her not to overestimate mine. which could be kind of a problem, actually. i think i tend to stay away from all things labeling, such as, "my gay friend Joe" or "that black guy Chris" just annoys me. it's kind of like, "oh that fat girl melanie". who wants to be categorized by one specific characteristic? i'm beginning to realize this may be a problem in my dating world though. and looking back, there may have been some questionables.
whatever, at least they wore nice jeans.
i'm still maintaining blake's ultra sexiness though...anyone who can move themselves the way he does and be that big of a drama baby (I bet you thought i was going to say queen, didn't you?) is okay in my book.

i feel though if i start counting out the questionables, the only thing i'm left with is the potential for overgrown lame douchebags.
take this story for example...

A friend of mine at school last week told me that she has someone she would like to hook me up with. Obviously I asked her if he was a douchebag. To which, obviously, she replied how unbelievably wonderful he is. Oh yeah? If he's so wonderful, why isn't he dating anyone? (I could keep this game going forever.) So then she says (and you know what's coming), "Oh he had a really serious girlfriend who he recently broke up with".
And there it is.
I was like, "Yeah, I'll pass thanks." She goes, "No, no. It was like seven months ago and he hasn't been with anyone since!"
As if it could get worse.
Clearly I replied with, "Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. Tell him to give me a call in 2 years. And by two years I mean in two years that he hasn't spoken/seen/fucked/crawled back to her like a baby." Thinking it would end there, she followed up with, "Yeah, but he's really hot."
And she might have a point there, because I've seen her husband (yes you read husband correctly) and he's super hot. And a chemical engineer.
But then that idea went to shit immediately as she said, "I'll call you Saturday night. They're all doing a bar crawl through Center City and you can meet up."
And scene.

So in conclusion, why am I in denial of Blake being gay? Why am I always in denial of gay guys being gay? I'll tell you why...perhaps if some straight guys could get it together enough to attract me, we wouldn't be having this problem.
Although, I'm beginning to re-think this whole chemical engineer idea. mommy would like some financial security in her life. kidding! as if i'm that superficial.
clearly, i am only re-considering because he's supposedly hot. and so i'm the rebound. big deal. i RULE at being the re-bound. i've perfected it, in fact. i'm going to start tallying. This will be number five. Love potion!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

people are fucking lame, man.

i spent six hours in a cafe in rittenhouse today. six long hours of people watching, contemplating, judging....errr, i mean studying. i finally called my friend annie and told her to meet me because what's the point of making fun of people in your head when you could be doing it with someone else instead, right? that kept me occupied for some time. ironically, i was reading the theory and practice of group psychotherapy and how non-judgmental attitudes along with respect cultivate successful process.
whatever. who said i had to play social worker 24 hours a day?

speaking of which, yesterday i pretty much lost my shit at work. really, the last thing i want to be doing on a friday night is waiting tables. there are oh so many other things that are greatly more enticing. like doing laundry for example.
i got seated with a party of ten. you know, typical family. a grandfather asking for an "old-fashioned manhattan straight up" (in an accent to boot), some 50 year old fat women who were probably nurses, some kids my age, a five year-old. you know, the usual. so i grat-ed them, obvi, since i don't play any other way. then they left me another $35 on top of the gratuity which i thought was pretty damn sweet given that most people suck. effectively made my night. cut to three hours later and it's 1am and i'm finally getting ready to leave and bill motions to me to hold on as he's on the phone. he hangs up and proceeds to ask me for the $35 because one of the women called back (at 1AM, mind you) to tell him that she didn't realize that a gratuity had already been included.
i kid you not.
can i get a 'TACKY' anywhere up in here? 'Who does that?', you ask?
Fucking tacky people.
forget that i catered to your every need, i'm fucking exhausted and just trying to pay my way through grad school. thank you, you've now effectively ruined my night.

and if that wasn't enough, some entitled, privileged, spoiled (and i'm sure heinously ugly) Penn bitch thought it was okay to be condescending to me on the phone. Do you know who i am? Two bitches can play at this game. No, sending out two small frozen yogurts halfway down the block in less than an hour and fifteen minutes isn't "too difficult"....but clearly walking down the street and picking it up in 10 is. Fuck you. I hope you walk in front of the 21 bus and die. Seriously.

I'm totally hating life.

shit. i should have ridden the Penn bus down to lame-ass D.C. today and protested against the war outside of Capitol Hill. I'm sure that would have appropriately channeled some pent-up aggression.

Friday, January 26, 2007

"Wishing, and waiting, and hoping..."

Keith writes:

Roseann, is your B.D.S. (Bush Derangement Syndrome) related to your other mental issues?

no keith
bds is what u have
bush denial syndrome

I mean, really, what is there not to love about Rosie O'Donnell? I wish there was a way to work for her. I'm really tempted to send my resume. (what resume? please, that's number 71 on my To Do list).
Then again, Google is looking pretty enticing these days. Free lunches, on-site massage and yoga, shoreline running trails, snacks to get you through the day (i'm not kidding, those are their exact words), company matched 401K, on-site dry cleaning, paid maternity AND paternity leave with up to $500 for take-out meals during the first four weeks that they are home with their new baby and free childcare when they return to work. Say whaaa??? Shit, that's almost reason enough to have kids.
This is one of their Top 10 Reasons to Work at Google:
"Work and play are not mutually exclusive. It is possible to code and pass the puck at the same time."

does anyone need a social worker? Anyone at all?

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

chronic fatigue syndrome...also known as whining.

i think i have chronic fatigue syndrome. i'm really not kidding. it's like everyday is such a fucking struggle to get out of bed. and as i was laying on my couch yesterday with my sweatshirt riding up my stomach, but having absolutely no energy to SIT UP and push it down, i really began to wonder how it is that people have kids and families and come home after work and don't seriously kill them. then i started to get a little claustrophobic and overwhelmed thinking about having kids and that woke me up. i don't even do work at my table anymore...i just bring the computer right to the couch and lay down. i'm also at work for like 10 hours a day and i mean that just fucking blows. i thank god (wherever/whoever she is) for getting it together enough to make sure there was a dunkin donuts in the lobby of my new office building. (would have been better if it was a starbucks, but small trife, small trife). i'm down there about four times in any given work day. i should just learn how to start speaking mandarin chinese because at this rate the counter guy and i are becoming fast BFF. i'm just so tired...seriously. and the fact that i'm looking outside right now and it's dark and i have to shower and get on the disgusting 17 bus crowded with that wonderful mixture of homegrown philly folk with their 17 children (each)and the corps (not like 'core' but like short for know, douchbaggerie, morally bankrupt douchbags)and trek to the office is daunting. who outlawed sweatpants to work? seriously. yesterday i came up with a fabulous idea that our agency should have a couch room with candles and music and a huge lock on the door so everyone gets 20 minutes allotted in any work day where they can take a nap, stare at a wall, and just not be bothered by any fucking person needing their services. i mean we already have two couch rooms that we use for's all ready! think of the increase in productivity levels. i don't know what to tell you...sometimes these amazing ideas just roll right out of me. and then on top of all of this, to compensate for how tired we are, my friend/co-worker decides she'll go home everyday and bake things. hence the homemade brownies made from scratch...that i ate four of yesterday. personally, i think she's just trying to sabotage my win for Marathon's Biggest Loser. but that's a whole other post for a whole other day when i can actually open my eyes more than halfway and not drink 3 cups of coffee by 7am. fuck, i'm tired. maybe i need to start exercising...

yeah i needed about .003 seconds to gasp and retract that statement.

Sunday, January 21, 2007


i am obsessed with Jake Gyllenhaal. it's so bad that it's really come to the point where i think that if we met we would totally get together. like i compare real life guys that i meet to him. this is my dream guy. and yes, i am aware that anyone who can be this comfortable dressed as Jennifer Hudson and singing his heart out to "I'm gonna love you" should technically be given room for re-consideration.

but, HELLO, did you check out those guns???!

jake gyllenhal encompasses everything i'm looking for in a man. and no, i really don't believe i'm mistakingly using the word 'man'. He's hot, he's intelligent (Columbia U. anyone??), his sister could be my best friend, he can rock a tux like nobody's business, he's a total social issue mover and shaker, and he has no qualms about his manhood even after giving Heath Ledger the time of his life in Brokeback. I really think we would get along fabulously. And now that he's dumped that troll Kirsten Dunst, there is a plethora of opportunity. Come on, I'm totally cuter. And way less stupid.

I also feel that I have total claim on him given that I supported him through the Donnie Darko days. So as much as you may want a piece of this, back the hell up.

Friday, January 19, 2007


Staring right back in the face
A memory can't be erased
I know, because I tried
Start to feel the emptiness
And everything I'm gonna miss
I know, that I can't hide

All this time is passing by
I think it's time to just move on

When you come back down
If you land on your feet

I hope you find a way to make it back to me

When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

Start to breathe and fake a smile
It's all the same after a while
I know, that you are tired
Carrying the ones you lost
A picture frame with all the thoughts
I know, you hold inside

I hope that you can find your way back
To the place where you belong

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

You're coming back down
You say you feel lost can I help you find it
When you come around
From time to time we all are blinded
You're coming back down
You don't have to tell me what you're feeling
I know what you're going through
I won't be the one that lets go of you

I think it's time to just move on

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Quote of the week....

There's nothing like having a really intense week of trying to fix the problems of the world. You know, providing victims of sexual abuse some therapy, trying to figure out why even though one day it's 70 degrees and the next it's 28 degrees, some people still insist there is no such thing as global warming, developing techniques that will employ better parenting skills...the usual.

And then you turn on VH1 to huge boobs and a bad weave screaming:
"T-Money's outfit really offends me. He has a green jacket on, bright pink shirt, lookin' like a watermelon, and I'm wonderin', 'What, you think I like watermelon? Why? 'Cause I'm BLACK??!"

I (fucking) love New York.

Monday, January 15, 2007

is it so much to ask for...

So off I go today on my typical last-day-of-the-weekend shopping trip to SuperFresh and Target. The annoyance of these errands is two-fold; first, it's just pain in the ass to run errands and it's the last thing I want to be doing on a Sunday Funday. Which, as I've regretfully noticed, is becoming increasingly less and less fun. Secondly, it's as though someone declared this day National Couple Day and I have to navigate my shopping cart around and through these annoying needy clingers just to get a can of Campbell's tomato soup. Like, is it really necessary to hold hands while pushing your own cart and then block the ice-cream isle where I have to wait the appropriate time to ask you to move? Although why I'm concerned about breaking up your narcissistic embrace while freezing my ta-tas off is really beyond me.
Anyhoo, I call my friend Nick to be my beard...yes, that's what I said...but he appropriately got drunk last night and is out of commission. So I say, 'Fuck it', I'm bringing my friend Alex...who is a girl, but that's just fine by me. Anytime I get a sudden urge to ram my metal cart into the heels of these coupled up slow-walkers (as if you're in a fucking park taking a leisurely stroll!!), she'll be right next to me with her own metal cart, only she'll be making really fun loud screaming noises and really getting into it. But seriously though, that was the fastest shopping trip I've ever had.
So clearly, since we're not dating anyone (and don't wanna be anyway! mmmhmmm) we're all about the ice-cream stop since it's not like it really matters anyway. So off we go to the Gayborhood to get the real deal at More Than Just Ice Cream. And it really is. More than just ice cream. And I really am getting to the point of this post. So being that we are in the gayborhood, our server is gay as are many of the people in the restaurant. And our server is TOTES attractive. He's got this dark wavy-ish hair, dark green eyes, olive skin, hot diesel jeans, cute shoes and a really soft-spoken tone. Ahhh, so cute. And so gay. (And so sucks for you Nick that you didn't come with me because this was such a love connection for you.)
So clearly the conversation turns to boys and I just don't understand why it's SO difficult to find a guy who is really attractive, really nice and knows that Old Navy carpenter jeans are not okay. Like it would kill you to know that throwback Pumas and New Balances are cute sneakers. And what happened to quiet strength? I'm not talking moody and artsy. Just a quiet confidence. Sometimes living in Philadelphia is such a tease. The disproportionate rate of cute, attractive single straight guys compared those that are cute, attractive single gay guys is overwhelming. I want to date someone like the server at MTJIC! Ok and fine, generalizations, generalizations...but I've yet to find someone who comes with this total package. No pun intended. And I'm just not willing to be less than sublimely happy. Please...I do not have the time, nor the desire, to give up my freedom nor restructure my life for someone that isn't going to bring something to the table. And by something, I really do mean everything. But that's a whole other topic for a whole other day. Right now, all I want is to meet someone with a really cute pair of Diesel jeans and a calmness who makes me super happy when he comes walking down the street because he's got it together. In an un-assuming way of course. It's like Alec Baldwin says in 30 Rock when asked why he's wearing a tux: "It's after six. What am I, a farmer?"

And on that note, I'm off to watch 'Gay, Straight or Taken'...the new genius show that just films the game that I play everyday anyway.

"If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'!"

One word. Dreamgirls.
Two words. Jennifer Hudson.
Three words. Go see it!!!

Totally didn't think I would be into it. Seemed so overplayed and let's be serious, I saw Beyonce in Austin Powers and her acting is sub-par. Totally triple love her and rock her songs in my apartment, in my car, on my iPod. I know my summer would not have been complete without busting out Deja Vu with Tyler every chance we got. I'm even willing to admit that Destiny's Child was my THING in 1999 and I went to the TRL Summer Tour Concert with Nelly and Co. just to see her. (Ok, so that was more embarrassing to admit than I thought it would be). The point is, I'll give you points for being beautiful (albeit white) and for having a great voice, but let's stick with the singing. But it's totally awesome to see her bow down from lead role. Play back-up to Hudson. Not be top diva.
Jennifer Hudson on the other hand....??! FABULOUS. Oh my god, her voice is fucking unbelievable. Where has she been??? She also totally brought the angry black girl circa 1960 to the film and she did it so well. And when she sang, the movie theater literally if it was a real performance. Sick-good. She carried the movie, for sure.
No one else but Eddie Murphy could have done the role of Jimmy. Hilarious.
And hell, bravo to Danny Glover. I thought he lost his shit a while back and was out of commission. Evidently not.
And Jamie Foxx as Curtis? Come on now. There is something super hot about him, in a power type of way. His devious planning of the Dreams' descent throughout the movie, while single-handedly trying to prove himself....but to who? Kanye West did us all a favor bringing him into the Golddigger song/video and introducing us all to his forgotten sexiness. So even though he's such an asshole in the movie, you still want to sleep with him. Ok, maybe that's just me.

There was laughter. There were tears. There were disgustingly glitzy costumes. There was the Broadway effect. There was attitude. There was girl power. There was poignance in highlighting the struggle that black performers faced not just in becoming stars, but in gaining basic respect from society at large.

Aesthetic perks: Jennifer Hudson's solos.
Beyonce Knowles' photo shoots/still photographs.
The shots of Chicago, Detroit, New York...both in their glamour and destructive poverty.

Plus, i totally loved the subtle connection to the original Destiny's Child breakup. Wonder what the hell LaToya is doing with herself these days. She should probably know that while Effie White (Florence Ballard) came back in the real life, she became an alcoholic and a crack addict and died miserably in the 70's. you know, just note to self.

Addendum!!: Had I not seen this movie at the Bridge in Philly, I highly doubt the sociological/race relations experience of the whole thing would have been quite the same. It's kind of like when I was talking to a couple in Marathon who were on their way to see the movie and I made a comment about liking Beyonce, to which the woman responded, "PSSHHHH! Beyonce ain't no thing. Girl's a sell-out, but you wouldn't know that. Jennifer Hudson is it." Well, paint me stupid white girl and show me the light that is Jennifer Hudson. I stand reformed.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

oh. my. god. i'm such a freak...and i'm totally okay with it.

I might as well just admit that I live for Rosie O'Donnell. I mean seriously LIVE for her. In this world where I wake up most mornings with the impending doom that the world is coming to an end and no matter what I do I can never fix things, Rosie brings me hope. She's just pure yellow. She's the only celebrity that actually GETS it that when you're fortunate enough to have more than other people, you give back. And not in that fucking lame ass Bono way where you save all the AIDS babies in Africa and get a white rubber bracelet that says ONE. But leave it to Bono and every other ignorant ethnocentric asshole that thinks they have the right to go into a 3rd world country while assuming to understand its cultural norms when in essence they just drop their own American values and think these people will magically change their thoughts and behaviors. And that they should. But I digress.
Let me drop some education on you: It's not fucking rocket science to understand that 4% of the American population owns 80% of its wealth and when you're part of that 4% you do something about it. And by do something about it, I don't mean give your spoiled, ignorant child a Sidekick III, a Chanel bag and a Mercedes with a black AmEx to boot. (And then send them to Penn and make me deal with their sense of entitlement when they want some, oh my god.)

I mean don't get me wrong. I understand that being ostentatiously wealthy is a mindfuck. Living outside of reality. Lacking the understanding that is the greater world. But this whole idea that as adults you are absolved of responsibility?? Yeah, I don't play that game.
Rosie is real. Real for Rosie. She's loud, opinionated, outspoken and unwilling to be repressed by society's idea of what is acceptable or unacceptable. She puts her shit out there and is willing to take ramifications. Even better is that she actually educates herself. She's researched, involved and backs herself up. And if she's wrong she's totally willing to admit it and adjust.
But more than anything she's willing to take her resources and do something significant. She outwardly recognizes that her position of wealth is to be appreciated and she acts accordingly with a humble give-back attitude. Ok, so maybe she's got some rich-guilt...but hey, whatever it takes. She doesn't hesitate to contribute significantly. Which is more than I can say for that bitch Oprah..."I'm going home to sleep on my Pratesi sheets and I'll feel good about it".
To get back to my original point: I live for Rosie O'Donnell. And I am totally okay with admitting that I have spent the last three months in vain writing to her hoping to be put on her blog. And finally here it is....(and for the really awesome effect, check it out on

MELANIE writes:

as a clinical MSW, i’m just trying to fight the good fight. u do in big ways what i can only do in small (not enough?) ways. u give me hope. but u give others understanding of equality and strength.

we r one in the same <-------- rosie's response!!

get into it.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

holy shit, i have letters after my name.

So i passed my clinical licensing exam. Shit. This means I have no excuse to not get a "real" job. I was hoping to sabotage myself long enough to put off this unfortunate realization. Now I have no excuse. Except for the fact that I could potentially fail this last semester because someone had the grand idea to make it the hardest semester of the entire program. Hi, let me introduce you to my friend, 'Burnout'. You don't give 150 graduate students working with people a damn conniption attack so that they end up needing therapy themselves. Which is not to say that there aren't some prize people in my program that wouldn't benefit from some quality shrink time.
I'm so over it. And if I have to write one more paper about how my personal use of self affects my practice, I'm going to freak out. Yes, my dad sucks. Yes, I have been cheated on. Yes, I've had an eating disorder. And I've piled it all away into a beautiful little Pandora's box which I like to envision as dark ocean blue with some gold swirled in. Weird? I'm sure Freud with have a field day with that one. Now stop trying to fucking get at and pry it open!
The point is, if I have to find one more coffee shop in Philadelphia to study at and be given dirty looks because it's not "study hall", I might lose it a little bit. My favorite day so far this semester has been coming into class and having my professor tell us that he's sarcastic, cynical and bitter and if we can't handle it to not waste his time or ours and get the hell out of his class. Holla. To which he added, "We're going to introduce ourselves. And not in that social work introduction way like, "When i was 12 years old I was walking down the street and saw a homeless person and gave him my shoes." (Oh my god, shoes.) Can we say, HERO??
Ok, but can we get back to the fact that I'm now a licensed social worker? Ummmm..........yeah. That's an extremely scary thought. I'm supposed to fix people and the world's problems. Has anyone actually stepped out into the world these days? I go into automatic hibernation mode where I never want to leave the queen-size, triple down comforter, 400 hundred thread count sheet bliss that is my bed. It's a scary place out there.....particularly when you feel all this pressure to people. Like no one gets a fair chance, and no one really gives a shit either way. And maybe if i just try hard enough, something will give. Part of that, of course, would be taking out the president. Am i even allowed to say that? He probably has this blog on lock. It's just with that license comes this responsibility to know what do and how to do it well. I made this promise to myself a long time ago that I would only do my job as long as I felt I was doing it well. And I just can't shake that sneaky suspicion that I totally heart is in the right place...?? I'm looking to make an impact. Give back to, take care of, fix someone that feels out of control, not validated, misjudged, outcasted...

On a much lighter note, and one that completely made me escape my life for just a little bit longer, this was how the conversation that was Saturday night started...

AshJones6: when joan rivers comes to philadelphia my aunt claudia does her hair and makeup

and then continued later with...

AshJones6: when i was younger i was petrified that i'd have a handicapped child.
AshJones6: and then on top of that if I am even able to have kids!!!
AshJones6: do you know that it's almost proven that mercury in immunization shots causes autism??

totes love her.