Saturday, February 3, 2007

Marathon's Biggest Loser

well, it's official. Marathon's Biggest Loser challenge has officially begun. (began? whatever.)
Yesterday, the scale was bought and we all weighed in. Some people wanted to join, but sorry, small and skinny bitches need not apply.

  1. It's five dollars a pop (somewhere in that I'm sure you can find a fat joke) every time you weigh in.
  2. Weigh-ins will occur every Friday and weights will be recorded. (Which they already were for the first time yesterday and that was a horrifying experience to say the least.)
  3. Certain people (and I won't mention names because I'm feeling nice today) were not allowed into the game because I don't need to be shown up by some skinny whiners who think they qualify at 131 pounds, and will look better at 115. Bitch, please. Spare me.
  4. This game will last until May 5th, which gives us all approximately three months to get it together.
  5. There will be monthly winners, who will be given 10% of the total money, so as to keep this so called "morale" of the team going. (Note: And may I just add, I have never been so harshly judged for eating a spoonful of fat free fro-yo in my life. Nor have I been so cruelly harassed and/or taunted with plates of cookies in front of my face. And yes. I totally ate one. What about it?
  6. I instated a rule that no OTC drugs such as Hydroxycut, Stacker (I, II, or III) may be used in this game. Extracurricular activities, however, can be engaged in at your own discretion and are not off limits. This includes both cocaine addictions and eating disorders.

I encourage all suggestions, support and berating to make me Marathon's Biggest Loser. I've already recruited Joey to act as my bitchy, deprecating, insulting running coach. And if you know Joey, you know that says enough.
On that note, I'm off to brunch with the girls. And then off to throw it all up.

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