Monday, February 12, 2007

hallmark is picking up what i'm putting down.

i would like to say that i have been thoroughly impressed with this recent turnaround in valentine's day attitude.
so i'm in target picking up cards for my faraway friends - because that's clearly just the amazing person that i am - and i like had the barf bag all ready for the overwhelming suffocation that is valentine's day card shopping. so there i go...throwing elbows...and pushing my way through all the girls shopping for cards for their boyfriends. don't be fooled, it's a fucking show-down...this is no joke. every year. it never gets old. so i start looking through all the cards while all the girls around me are having like conniption attacks because they can't find the perfect card for their perfect boyfriend to depict their perfect relationship. like, oh my god, the PRESSURE!
anyhoo, as i'm picking through all the cards that have a serious novel written on them - who has time to read four pages on a card? honestly. - i find a whole section that is entitled "Anti-Valentine's Day"...i kid you not...and the cards fucking rock. i pretty much got one for every single one of my girlfriends...whether they're in a relationship or not. because i mean, even the coupled off ones need a little perspective.
there's a whole market here -- and it's only taken Hallmark 25 years to catch on. i applaud them. someone has finally validated me.
All this day does is torture the couple-less and fattens the pockets of flower peddlers and greeting card companies. Everywhere you look, there's disgusting mixtures of red and pink. God, I hate pink.
It's a shame that people are made to feel bad because they don't have a love in their life, and all because of FAKE holiday. People feel so much pressure that they propose on Valentine's Day, get married on Valentine's Day, etc.
Even if you're in a relationship, V-Day stresses people out, especially women. Just because there's chocolate doesn't mean it still doesn't suck. Lots of us don't have dates and have to buy our own fucking chocolate anyhow. And then we just get fatter than we already are. So it just sucks. Why do that to yourself? Ignore this fictitious day altogether, whether you're in a relationship or not. What would I recommend for a good anti-Valentine's Day?

1. Avoid any place couples go. Do something for yourself, at home.

2. Rent a good "bad" movie. Pick up Heathers or Welcome to the Dollhouse, Reservoir Dogs or anything that's a little on the wicked/angsty side.

3. If you want a laugh, go to CVS sometime in the evening and watch freaked out men try to pick out "the" card. Or, visit the nearest grocery store and watch people fight over the shriveled remains of flowers in a last-ditch effort for sex. Too fun!

get over it cupid we hate you.

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