Saturday, December 1, 2012

See, the thing is....

......that when your partner of 4 years dumps you on your ass without any indication, you kind of literally have to pick up the pieces.  And you don't really know where to start.  Because when you met you were only just turning 25 and when he dumped your ass bc you were diagnosed with chronic pain issues and he had a pathology around intimacy and commitment, you were nearing 30.

What is one supposed to do with all that? Having half of her 20s wasted, all along assuming this was the "one"?  (Ugh, does that even exist?)

I go out with my friend tonight.  We met through a women's get together thing, that actually has felt sort of distancing rather than connecting as most of the women are married and having kids and that's what ends up getting focused on because apparently that's what women in their late 20s/early 30s do?

So I pushed myself. Trust me when I say PUSHED.
It was 5:30 and I was all ready to get into my pjs, have wine and say hello to my TV.  It feels old and weird and shitty to be out at a bar. But, that's one does, I suppose, when she's alone and 30 and unloved.

My friend is a doctor.  She brought along some doctor friends to this other friend's birthday.  Here's how that goes:
Birthday dude, whom I've never met, is superbly drunk and keeps hugging me and telling me I have beautiful eyes.
Doctor dude #1, whom I've never met, tells me all about his failing relationship and sits close to me at every bar while putting his arm around me at every opportunity.

And then there doctor dude #3 who, I've been prewarned, is a lady lover (read:player). Enter the Greek doctor named Thanos. He is an attending at 2 major city hospitals.  He lived in Montreal until the age if 15.  He spoke French to me. And I'm a goner.

I have no capability to be attracted to men that could possibly be nice to me or treat me well.

No comments: