Saturday, November 16, 2013

in which i answer some things asked by someone i don't know on the internet

1. If tomorrow was your last day on earth, what would your last meal be? You get three courses (starter, entree and dessert).
Shit. shit, shit, shit. All of it. I just want all of the food.  Can I get multiple things in each course? Sure, I can. It's my last day on earth. Therefore; Starter: guacamole, ceasar salad, and french onion soup, heavy on the melty cheese please.  Entree: Gnocchi slathered in some sort of buttery, cheesy alfredo sauce. Also, some fingerling potatoes. Also, a shrimp burrito.   Dessert: Any messy concoction of peanut butter, milk chocolate, pretzels, cookie dough, oreos, brownies....all preferably in the form of an ice cream cake. Please and thank you.
2. What are you three all time favorite movies?
Good Will Hunting; When Harry Met Sally; Beginners
3. Best concert you’ve ever been to?
Ray Lamontagne. November 2012. Wellmont Theater. Greatest performance of life.
4. Would you ever move to a foreign country for a year? If so, where?
I would sit my pretty little ass on some cliff perch on the Amalfi Coast. Clearly, I'm not interested in branching out.
5. One person that is alive that you detest.
Chris Christie. I think he is a horrible and evil human being about whom I cannot find one redeeming factor.  And another, more individualized person of the same name, who is callous and self-righteous and selfishly careless with anyone put in his path.
6. What has been the worst and best meal of your life?
Food questions.  Can't get enough of 'em.  Best meal of my life was at a restaurant in Manhattan, the name of which now escapes me.  Well, that's lame.  In Philadelphia, best meals have been at Vedge, Ela and Amada.  I simply can't choose. I won't! Worst meal? Shoot. What does it mean if I can't think of one?
7. Tell us a secret that nobody (or very few people know about).
Given that maybe one person even reads this thing, that wouldn't be such a big deal. But, secrets are sometimes for a reason. So here's a childhood one:  I stole bubble gum from Shop-Rite when I was about 7yo and my mom found it in my dresser and told me the police were coming to get me because that's what happens to people who steal. I sat on the couch in our front room for almost an hour crying and looking out the window waiting for the police to come pick me up.  I would not recommend this kind of parenting.  
8. When was the last time you cried? Why?
Last week, a kid I've been working with around his homosexuality for the past two years sat in front of me and sobbed uncontrollably for almost a full 45 minutes.  Every time he would pull himself together, it would start again.  He didn't understand why he was so triggered when he had "really come so far" in his acceptance of self.  I held it together until he left. And then I cried. Because this "fight" is never really over. I don't care if you're Dan Savage. It's never over. And sometimes I get scared it never will be. And it makes me feel powerless and hateful at all the people in this country who are shadows of human beings and think they have some sort of "unalienable" right to exercise their hatred and intrinsic power of their majority over others.
10. Worst date you’ve ever been on? 
I once went on a blind date with a guido dressed in a partially unbuttoned collared shirt, complete with a gold cross, while rolling up in an M3, talking only about himself, disagreeing with any liberal point I made, offering to buy me a Corona and then saying could I actually spot him, and then freaking out because he thought his car got stolen (who fucking told you to drive an M3 into Philadelphia?).  This all resulted in him making a completely uncalled for move in the car and me running out of the car while trying to disentangle myself from his umbilical cord which was still attached to his mother.  That was my one and only experience with blind dates.  Oh, and the last time I let my mom set me up.
11. Give me three deal-breakers in a man or woman.
Not knowing the difference between being nice and being kind; no sense of humor; shorter than me.

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